I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
