I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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