her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
