Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
