So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
