What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize