By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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