I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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