Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
