So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
