You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's never too late to be topless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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