FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
