I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
