i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
