Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
