just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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