he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
