I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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