Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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