# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
