so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
