I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
