Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
