I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
