When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
