It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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