my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
