I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
