Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
