My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
