In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
