The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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