At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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