apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
