If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dicks are not precious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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