i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
