You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
