Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize