when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to calm my uterus...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
