Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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