When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
