guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
