KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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