It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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