two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He did a backflip because drugs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
