Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
