we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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