You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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