ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
