Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
