piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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