I just cut my nipple shaving
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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