remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
