i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
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He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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