Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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