So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
