I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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