Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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