Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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