is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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