Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize