After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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