Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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