I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
