i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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