Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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