if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
