I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
