Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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