cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
