The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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