i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
