just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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