It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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