she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
