Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
