Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
