no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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