i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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