ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
