so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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