Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
COCAINE IS GR8
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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