I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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