he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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