i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
