i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
