I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
