Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize