People in love make me want to vomit
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
