So drunk its hurt
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
