My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
